I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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