Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
