Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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