He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
