I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
