Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
