Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
