I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
