i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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