pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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