3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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