I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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