so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
