It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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