did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
