Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize