when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
