my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
