I'm really into asian looking animals
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
