There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
