Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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