so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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