im six kinds of drunk right now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you made out with another girl for some wings
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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