I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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