Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
