nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are the jesus of drinking
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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