whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
