Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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