Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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