thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
