Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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