he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
