omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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