I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
