OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
