opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
