google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
