We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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