I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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