Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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