I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
