I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
