Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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