Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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