So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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