How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
