Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
