sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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