ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
