Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
