I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
