Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
worst night to have a conscience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
