This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
