im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Randomize
