So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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