no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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