I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My liver just had a heart attack.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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