If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
