oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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