So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
