those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
