Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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