I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
