The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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