I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
