He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
