Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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