Is it because I queefed?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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