Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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