Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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