and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
