She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
