Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
