I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
