so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
