im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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