3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it because I queefed?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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